MidLife Crisis

For a couple of years now I have been waiting for my midlife crisis.  You know when I go crazier than I already am and start driving new sports cars etc.  I went out and got the car brochures but for some reason nothing happened.  As I was contemplating when the crisis would occur I realized I really didn't know what this was all about and what caused it just that I was getting a new sports car.  With that in mind to the Wikipedia.

The mid-life crisis is a stage when many men are plagued by feelings that their life has no meaning o that their physical and mental powers are spent.  (Actually I just considered that a daily occurrence, I had no idea there was anything different after 50.)At least some of the market for sports cars can be attributed to conspicuous consumption spurred by customers midlife insecurities. 

Individuals experiencing a midlife crisis have some of these feelings:

• Search of an undefined dream or goal
• a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
• a fear of humiliation amongst more successful colleagues
• desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
• need to spend more time alone or with certain peers

Hmmmm maybe this is part of the problem lack of preparation.  I can't name an undefined goal, I avoid successful colleagues and I gave up being youthful a longtime ago.  I can see this is going to be harder than I thought.

Insecurities go so far as to affixing the badge of an expensive sports car to a cheaper one, in an attempt to convey a false sense of success.

They exhibit some of these behaviors:

• abuse of alcohol (since I don't drink this one is out)
• depression (the more I'm researching my midlife crisis the more depressed I'm becoming)
• paying special attention t physical appearance such as covering baldness, wearing younger designer clothes etc.  ( I couldn't cover this much baldness with a rug and at this point in time I'll wear anything that fits designer or not.)
• entering relationships with younger people (my wife would probably be happy to give me to someone else at this stage of the game but I'm not giving up the 30 years of brainwashing I've put her through to stay with me.  Not to mention the sheer notion of going through the dating game again gives me chills.)
• acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as motorbikes, boats, clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, etc. ( Ahhhhh now we are talking this is what I have been waiting for although I think I'll pass on the piercings.

So now I have a much clearer picture but I can't find anywhere in the reading how I'm supposed to get my Lamborghini.  Maybe there is a government program that gives you a government grant for sports cars or perhaps I just show up at the dealership and it's kind of like Santa.  Bottom Line if I don't get my Ferrari soon I'm not going to be calling it a mid-life anything.

All I can say is if anyone sees me driving around with a beamer hood ornament on my Nissan Sentra, trust me if I were you I wouldn't say a word.